i pity this dress so much. it would've looked so much nicer if i wasn't wearing it.

i got into this knowing everything. and sure as hell that i wouldn't be like the other girls. i still am not. but i actually miss your companionship, and nothing more that that. but i know it's not right for me to do this to you any longer so i should just shut up right? false hope and all, i'm sorry i don't know what to do, and if apologizing was the right thing to do, then i'm sorry. i shouldn't have walked right past you and i shouldn't have rejected your calls. all the same, i don't know if being there for you is what's best. i doubt you'll see this.

today, i got what i prayed for. thank you jesus.

whoa. that's a whole lot clearer now. (: man. this blogskin's so simple, and nice. don't you think? only problem is my profile is right at the bottom and my tagboard is missing. oh shit. my tagboard is missing!!! ahhhh. noooooo. and i can't upload pictures either.
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fussy or whatever, i just really need to alter this blogskin so i can finally get on with blogging. and i lack the skill and the time so this is going to have to wait. again. man. my blog is dying. shit. and i think it's a total waste to just scrap the whole thing because it's been here since september 2007 when i was totally depressed about leaving tkgs. haha.


okay. quick updates.
1) omg, leefang erica vicki and me are in the top 20 out of the 440 groups that applied for NE MATION!! and even though this is going to take up our whole holiday, i'm hoping it's worth it. so umm. can't go out at all. man.

2)went out with paige to watch the proposal and it was awesome. sandra bullock is pretty, and my mum loves her even though she looks like she's ageing. she looks good though, don't get me wrong. movie was great, then paige lost her stupid wallet and my awesomeness helped her find it. (: and we had sushi for dinner. ahh. i love love love sushi.

3) sabrina, iliana, constance, audrey and michelle and me went to long john's silver for dinner and hang out. gosh. you would be surprised at how quickly people can change within the short span of three years. and if anyone knows what happened to guo lao shi can you tell me? we suspect that she's dead. and we hope not. we haven't heard a thing about her actually.

4)went out with paige again to study chemistry. i can officially form chemical equations and ionic equations. and all this i learnt within two hours. paige, if you're not a genius at teaching, i'm a genius at learning. and mind you, i was eating this awesome egg mayo sandwich with chips and coleslaw (yes, coleslaw AGAIN constance. ahh i love coleslaw) and this nice honey lemon drink. and i bought paige ice-cream but didn't even get to try it. THANK AH. hahaha. nah, just kidding. (: i owe you for teaching me anyway.


and now, ooh shit. i'm late for nemation. leefang is gonna kill me. okay bye bye bye! hahahahaha
man. i am spastic.

everyone! it might help if you answered this. what would you do if you lost something very expensive and it belonged to a friend? and what if it was something irreplaceable.


ahh shit. i feel so guilty and worried and anxious and argh.... oh sheesh. i'm so sorry ____ ___.
oh man. and i haven't even told her yet.

i can't believe the dreaded horrors are finally over and done with. i slept for one hour, from 5-6am in the stupid morning on monday because i couldn't finish theatre. in the end, i just hecked it. first time that's happened. i also got caught for "cheating" on ihss. i really don't know what to say about that but it sucked. and in my opinion, i didn't cheat, but of course the teachers obviously disagree with me. and i think i should not elaborate just in case i get blacklisted for inappropriate postings shit or whatever. (there, you go again, censorship)

i'm now less sleep deprived, happier and more optimistic though. and i can't say how much Drama Floor Anthem meant to me....just seeing those familiar faces again was just so heartwarming. and for the whole time, i just laughed with weisze, yiting, yiyun, victoria, denise, raseena and paige of course, and thought. it was the biggest decision i had to make in my entire life, no matter how ridiculously trivial it seemed. after looking at the school (yes, ohmygosh the new pond is so freaking cool) with it's swings still badly repainted and creaking i just felt at home, though it seemed that the juniors were just simply strangers, a part of teekay i never imagined.

but hey, we're fifteen. and the first time i wore that green uniform and walked through the doors, hating myself for not being in cedar girls' with constance seemed aeons ago. i was barely thirteen then. and 2 years seem short, believe me but you have no idea how much people have changed. i wish i remembered everybody, there were people i actually forgot. and being in an all-girls environment just made me smile again. you girls are gonna have your share when you get to JC. hah. angelyn. remember you used to bet with me and tell me i'll get a boyfriend once i go to SOTA? seems like some things about me just never changed.

vaish, karen, angelyn, stefanie and all the rest of the drama clubbers did a great job, of course and beth's voice is still as good as it ever was. i tried so hard not to compare her to amni. haha. company was great, even though i didn't know the songs and have honestly heard better bands in my life. ambience was there, with the "moshing" (as paige calls it) and everything else.

i wish the whole of 1e3 2007 was there. oh. why am i on about the past again.

okay. present.

today. was a really good day and huiyu and I had the wednesday breakfast again. we have called a black cat, "Tao". It watches us eat but pretends not to. and when we tried to be friendly and talk to it, i swore it gave us the "omg, you guys are so stupid and lame" look. and it tao-ed us and went to lick its fur but stayed right next to our awesome black pepper chicken rice.

BMA for ihss was kinda freaky. it's really scary. i want so badly for mrs yeoh to offer that subject on environmental conservation don't-know-what thing. SO SO SO BADLY. i will persuade her. someway somehow. and probably because they say that when there's a will, there's a way. today, a few people asked me if i was going to be dropping theatre to take science. i currently really don't know. a year ago, i would have said yes definitely but now i'm not too sure. turns out i really don't have a flair for science, even though i love it. i have fallen asleep in chemistry lessons too often. (probably just lack of sleep) but oh well. i've realised the wonders of sleep

man. it's 10. and earl's supposed to call back in a minute but my phone is dead. HAHAHAHA.

running through

so i'm not blogging again because i can't upload pictures from my phone.



and i don't think i'll be posting for a really long time. or maybe i'll password protect this blog. it's really not much fun having a blog and having to care so much about who's reading it. i can't post half the things i really want to say.....okay. i'm gonna speed through everything i need to say.....





like how national day sucked other than swensens with erica and veggie and how much i miss G3.


and how thankful i am for paige to not hate me since i accidentally took her camera back home and have been keeping it forever.


and how i miss hanging out with the friends in old schools like the drama clubbers and constance.


and how i really need to learn soccer quickly soon though my ankle's still busted.


and how i need to rant about the bimbotic side of me. (yes, i think there is one hidden.)


and how i can't keep up with sota's workload and how ridiculously tired i am all the time.


and how my craving for char siew rice has not been satisfied completely.


and how i'm eventually going to decide between THEATRE? OR MARINE BIOLOGY?


and then i wonder am i ever going to be able to do either.


and how much of what others think and say about me affects me.











i need to say it in detail.